The Real Life of a Basketball Wife

New author Audrey Griffin – a wife, mother of four, motivational speaker and entrepreneur – discusses the keys to a successful marriage, her new book, giving back and what it’s really like to be married to a professional athlete.

By Niquanda Brown

The life of a professional athlete and their families is often envied by the lay public. But if the struggles of the women on VH1’s Basketball Wives reality show and the Tiger Woods affair scandal are any indication of the challenges for the wives of professional athletes then outsiders might want curb their enthusiasm.

“Many people think that athlete wives just sit home, shop and attend games,” says Audrey Griffin, the wife of 13 years to retired NBA player and current assistant coach Adrian Griffin. “The perceptions of us are often exaggerated and our lifestyles are not all about living lavishly.”

As the former Vice President of the National Basketball Wives Association, Griffin knows first hand about being married to a professional athlete. In her book, The Day I Took Off My Cape: An NBA Wife’s Journey to Finding Family Balance, www.audreygriffin.com, Griffin shares her story as a wife, mother of four, motivational speaker and entrepreneur.

“I wrote to tell my story,” she says. “I wanted to show that I, like any other woman, had to find family balance as well as learn and grow within my marriage.”

A New York native, Griffin received a Master’s Degree in Education from Seton Hall University and is a contributor to several national publications, offering lifestyle and family advice to women around the world. Griffin has also worked with such organizations as Feed the Children, Dress for Success, and House of Ruth, a shelter for battered women. She also recently launched the Remove Your Cape Foundation.

Human Nature recently caught up with author Audrey Griffin at her home in Westchester County, New York where she discussed her marriage and the lifestyle of the wife of a professional athlete.

You have been married to your husband for 13 years and have raised four children. What has been the key to maintaining your marriage, especially with all the negative things (traveling, groupies) that can come along with being married to a NBA player?

Keeping your marriage private. Knowing how to keep a connection with your spouse through communication, understanding and love. We have also always tried to stay together despite trades and live together. I have also taken road trips with my husband, which is nice because it gives us some alone time and every relationship needs that.

How much greater is the chance of infidelity with professional athletes than other men? And why?

There are more opportunities because of their extensive travel schedule and because many of them are easily recognized from their media exposure. This – coupled with the fact that some women plot on how to get them – increases the chance of infidelity. However, I will say that not all athletes fall into the temptations thrown at them; there are definitely some good guys.

What are some of the best parts of being married to a professional athlete? What are some of the worst parts?

Well, to start I have to say that it’s very comforting when you don’t have to worry about your finances as often. Before Adrian played in the league, we struggled for three years, while I returned to school to finish my degree and it was a pure blessing once a team picked him up. We’ve been able to live comfortably, travel to some very nice places, expose our children to different things and provide a good lifestyle for our family.

The downside is not being able to spend as much time with your spouse during the basketball season. Another downside is that I have to constantly make sure I surrounded myself by the right people. Sadly, some people have alternative motives. I’ve had people try to befriend me and tell me up front that they want to meet a ball player and have also had people who wanted my husband and I to invest in shady business ideas.

What’s the biggest myth about being married to a professional athlete?

People think all we do is shop and travel around the world. Also, people think that most of us are gold diggers. And while we do shop and travel – who doesn’t? I just want people to know that it’s not all about that. As far as gold digging- I know plenty of couples in the NBA that are truly in love that would be together if the husband never dribbled a ball in his life.

What aspects of being married to a professional athlete are not being portrayed accurately on such reality shows as “Basketball Wives” and “Real Housewives of Atlanta?”

Reality TV always magnifies situations and we have to remember that the goal of the show is to entertain. I know a lot of NBA wives and regular wives and no one story is the same. So to comment on accuracy I will just say, people’s personal lives are their own business. I will leave it at that.

What are the chances that women seek marriage or romance with a professional athlete might actually end up catching her man?

First- I don’t think any woman should be trying to “catch” an athlete. If a woman happens to meet an athlete and he treats her well and they’re happy then let the relationship happen that way. We as women have to learn to love ourselves first and then find a compliment to that. Each women needs to trust that the right person is out there. Don’t look for a man based on what he does; otherwise you are missing the point.

Many wives and mothers of pro athletes are active with charity. What are some of the extraordinary things you’ve seen organized by an athlete’s spouse?

I have seen so many things. I was the vice president of Behind the Bench, which is the NBA wives association, and we have raised million of dollars in donations for charity organizations such as Feed the Children, Suzan G Komen for Cancer and Children’s Hospitals. Collectively NBA wives have done so much for our communities over time; so many wives with huge hearts. I have just launched a foundation called, “Remove Your Cape,” which I hope will help new and young mothers incorporate the juggling act of motherhood and womanhood.

How are you able to balance the needs of your husband and your family with your independent activities (writing, foundation, etc.)?

It is not an easy task but I certainly find the time. “The Day I Took Off My Cape” is a guide where I talk about, balancing all of these aspects of womanhood. Other daily balancing tips I talk about in my book are staying organized, taking care of yourself by working out and eating right and most importantly keeping God first and everything else will then line up.